Questions of life

Our feelings are easy to hurt

Our desires are easy to ruin

Our dreams are easy to break

Girls or boys, those who dump others do they live happily?

Do they really find any prince and princess more handsome and clever than the one they dumped?

I know this is a cycle, you ditch someone and someone else ditches you.

True that you only know the worth of other person when he/she does not live with you any more.

But does it apply to all those cheaters?

Does it really matter to all those stone hearted people?

Does sincerity make sense to them?

Do they know such thing?

Have they ever been in true love?

Have they ever respected emotions and feelings of others?

How can a human hurt other person so well that the person lose essence of life and living?

If someone loves you then what bothers you?

If smeone wants to stay with you then where is the problem?

You spent your desired time with him/her, then you suddebly feel someone else is better than him/her and you immediately disappear.

When we will start caring for others?

When we will start thinking that I do not have right to use someone for my benefits and then leave without any genuine reason.

When we will be responsible for our own mistakes?

Marriage

Marriage is big term:
For me marriage is the knot of two different people having opposite genders. 
Two people who will share bed, room, food, income, even the life's every major event.
When tieing the knot they promise that they will try to live forever in thier lives till they die.
Their other promises are to share happiness together, provide comfort in sadness, have security of being each others, believing that he/she is all mine, fulfilling every possible wish of each other.
For me there should not be boundries for anyone between two companions.
If one wants to have some privacy then there must be privacy 
If one wants to focus on career then there must be freedom
If one wants to have child then there must be acceptance
If one wants to love beyond then there must be space
If one has few fears, then there must be trust
If one shows distrust then there must be dialogues
If one leaves without conversation then there must be time given him/her to realize what he/she wants
If there are some things that must be kept secret from other family members then there must be follow up for that
In marriage one has to think beyond ones self
I am a girl, I want a husband who loves me a lot, who takes care of me everytime, who gives me security and safety, who provides me trust and belief, who has courage to take decisions to keep the relationship healthy, who is always there in my ups and downs, who always remain there behind me in my success, who is touchy about my madness, who likes me the way I am, a bit crazy, thoughtful, out-spoken, energatic, friendly, bold, confident, independet, He must be proud of me and my nature.
I have fears that I wont get this kind of guy in this society.
Pakistan is a country where I have witnessed diplomat nature of men. They want a girl friend who has all the qualities that I have mentioned above but they would marry a girl who is all time opposite to these. Because they have a patriarchial mind-set which always resist them to marry any girl with above qualities. I am not sure what exactly they fear about it but that is what I have faced till now.
A man proposes you, saying he loves you the most because you are beautiful and bold but as soon as you start telling him what you expect from him and what are your fears that have strong impact on your thoughts he will try to take hold on your life, he will start taking decisions alone, he would ask you to leave things that you love the most. His expectations would be more and more. Ones you give hold to him, he will be your god. 
I want a husband who gives me equal oppertunity for everything as he wants for himself.
I fear losing my dignity and self-respect by my husband. Even I want him to support me maintaining my dignity and self-respect as he wants for himself.
I have simple wish that my husband must be a good human being who is sensitive as I am, who gets mad as I do, who loves me as I would love him, who would talk non-stop as I do, who would try to explore new things as I do. 

2020......

The last moments of 2019 were so beautiful that I wished it could be freezed or last longer than ever. Those happy moments welcomed 2020, a year that was bringing many trials for every creature, whether humans, animals, plants or virus. The strat of the year was amazing, the journey of 2020 looked exciting and breathtaking. I was expecting it to be the best year of my life because I had planned many things, like flying to UK for scholarship, having someone beside to have a sincere relationship, completeing mphil thesis, and leaving this current job with hope to rejoin it again after a few years.

Those pretty wishes remained unsaid, because I was looking for acomplishing them.

The start of January was cheerful and the weather partenered with it beautifully. The combination of waether and people arround made it exceptional.

I travelled to mutiple places from Sukkur to Lahore for the TCF's teachers biannual test invigilation. That one week was extraordinary for me. I was traveling for one week to North Pakistan without my family. I had my colleagues with me but still there was some hesitation. We left for Sukkur and then Multan, Faisalabad, Lahore and finally back to Karachi. The anxiety and hesitations were left behind. I was travelling to these cities for the very first time. I did explore Sukkur and Multan a bit, took ride in Matro bus, visited shrines in Multan, had local food and Multani special Halwa. Although we had shortage of time and money at that time too but we were trying to minimize the expenses and maximising the adventures.


Then there came the time when our project needed some clarity of design due to which we designed a simulation. I, Adeel, Asma and Kamlesh traveled to Tharparkar to pilot some part of the design and see which works well and which needs improvement. Adeel is our manager, but in that travel period we named him as our Panadol (always helpful in any situation). We had tough routines but still we laughed loudely, we had long conversations, played games in the night. Febraury went also so beautiful. I was still there when I recieved the rejection email from Chevening scholarship. I was tormented. But this is life, you have always an oppertunity to lose something and gain another. I gained beautiful relationships, adventureous experiences and grooming in my personal and professional life, what if I did not get selected for the scholarship. Let the peace prevails in your heart.